So yeah, I got terrible results in my AS levels (first year, so I haven’t fucked up my chances of uni… yet.)
Lets start from the beginning, I woke up crying. I was so stressed and so terrified that I was sobbing before I was conscious that day. I didn’t eat all day because of the permanent nausea I was experiencing and kept bursting into tears in public places. People say that waiting and not knowing is the first bit, but it isn’t, it was possibly the best part of my day.
I walked up with friends to get my results, and within ten seconds of entering the common room I had left to find somewhere alone in case I cried upon seeing my expected failures on paper. Now, it’s a good thing I did do that because very rarely have I cried with the desperation that I did then.
Upon arriving home I couldn’t ever bare to tell my mum my results, resorting to pushing my results towards her and leaving the room. Of course, her obvious disappointment was crushing, I felt like I had let everyone who expected better of me down, and there was the proof. The gut twisting, head splitting devastation stuck around too, I think I spent a total of about two hours that day not crying.
So yeah, I have well and truly screwed up this time. And I don’t know what to do about it… I want to go back to sixth form if they’ll have me, and that’s big uncertainty if you ask me. But I guess I’ll keep you posted… whatever may happen.
